Did you know the term “life hack” was coined in 2004? With it came the website LifeHacker.com, and before we knew it, people were hacking everything - food, cleaning, parenting, beauty. Now, "life hack" has become so common that it often gets used ironically.

A hack is essentially a shortcut to make things a little easier or more efficient. And don’t get me wrong, I love a good hack. As I get older though, I’m finding that my interest is steering away from random life hacks to mental and emotional hacks (re: ways to manage my inner world).

I want all the hacks for cultivating calm, inner peace, and a sense of neutrality in this world that wants us to bounce around with extreme thoughts and emotions.

So in an attempt to be what I want, I’m sharing a handful of hacks/tricks/strategies for staying calm and clear in your day-to-day life. Also, these are ones I've tried with myself (and am always working on)…not a random list off of ChatGPT!

Mental Hack #1: The 10 Second Rule

The 10 second rule is pretty simple, but don’t let that keep you from trying it. I believe the goal of this one is to help create a pause between the event and your reaction. As you can imagine, going from event straight to reaction can be disastrous, even in an emergency. By taking the 10 seconds to breathe, think, calculate, and plan your next move, you’re giving yourself the gift of calm and clarity.

Personally, when I feel triggered, I like to count backwards from 10 to remind myself that I don’t need to act right away.

Another way you can use this rule is to wait 10 seconds after you’ve asked a question or asked someone to do something. If you’re anything like me, you often expect instant action from others, and when you don’t see that, it can be frustrating. So again, these 10 seconds are a gift to both you and the person you’re communicating with. A small reminder to give people a bit of grace, even if just for 10 seconds!

Mental Hack #2: Don’t Respond to Statements That Aren’t Questions

How often do you hear something like, “I can’t find my shoes.” Or, “Hey babe, I don’t see the mayonnaise.” And how often do you jump to action when you hear these kinds of statements?

Make it a habit to let people figure things out on their own without having to rely on you to find, fix, etc.

I’m not 100% with this one yet, but I’m working on it. I respond to these kinds of statements with (annoying) things like, “Oh no” or “Let me know if you need help.” And depending on what the situation is, I’ll respond back with a question for my own personal clarity. The point is to not jump into action the minute someone may need something from you.

You can also bring in the 10 second rule here. Statement → 10 seconds → See what happens → Respond accordingly.

Mental Hack #3: Make People Repeat Themselves

The lack of calm and clarity can sometimes come from other people. Rude comment. Unsolicited advice. “Jokes.”

I don’t know about you, but I never used to know how to respond without looking pissed off. I now deal with these things entirely differently, and I want to share the best way (IMO) to maintain your cool.

Let’s say someone says, “Oh my goodness. You’ve put on some weight.” Instead of retorting back with, “Yes, it’s been a stressful time” and then fuming on the inside, you can something like, “What was that? I don’t think I heard you properly.” Or you could say, “Did you say I look like I’ve gained weight?”

I know this hack is hard to implement because it requires a big dose of courage to face the rudeness head-on, but trust me, putting people on the spot is a good way to get them to stop and hopefully reflect on how their words could be impacting others.

If their response back to you is equally as rude, at least you know who you’re dealing with.

Mental Hack #4: Name the Emotion

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, name your emotion. And be specific.

When that general sense of frustration comes over me, I name it (I feel very frustrated and annoyed right now), I get specific (I feel very frustrated and annoyed right now because I feel like no one is listening to me. This makes me feel unheard).

Now compare this to just saying “I feel frustrated and annoyed.”

I can do something with the former. It’s higher quality data into what’s going on for me in the moment. The latter is too generic to do anything with, and it doesn’t help me come up with a solution. It’s also likely that a general feeling of annoyance and frustration will carry into every part of my day because I didn’t get specific as to what the main causes were.

Name your emotions. Be specific.

Mental Hack #5: Find the JOMO

I think we often lack calm and clarity because we are trying to do all the things. We say yes to everything. We over schedule ourselves and our families. We make everything urgent + important. When I see this happening, I immediately think of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).

And I get it. Sometimes the FOMO is legit.

To combat this and bring more calm and clarity into our lives, we need to think in terms of JOMO (Joy of Missing Out). We have to find the joy in not doing something. In saying no. In creating space in our schedules. In delegating.

I’ll give you a great example. A couple of weekends ago, Vishnu and I were invited to a 40th birthday party. On the day of the party, I knew Vishnu was a no go. He’d been feeling a little sick for a few days, and he didn’t look any better on Saturday. He insisted that I go, even for a few hours. In my mind, I was all set to head out at 7 pm. Then, around 3 pm, I decided to say no. Not because I didn’t want to go but because I felt very tired and just wiped out. Also, I knew that if I said yes to this event, that would mean my exhaustion would continue into the next day (more like early morning). I ended up staying home and finding joy in going to bed early!

It’s a bit of a misnomer to call them hacks because they take practice and time to develop. And the expectation should not be to master all of them all at once. If I’m being honest, most days I’m working on pausing, and that’s it!

Regardless, I hope these “hacks” help you to lead your life with a little more calm and clarity as well as inner peace and confidence.

Which of these hacks are you/do you want work on? Are there any others you’d add to the list?

Leave a comment

Shakti Credits and Debits

Shakti Credits

• We spent five days and four nights at Miramar Beach, FL with five other couple and their kids, and it was so much fun. Surprisingly, it felt super energizing as well. The secret to not feeling like you need a vacay from your vacay is to pick your crew carefully. It’s not about where you go and what you do, but rather, who you’re with.

• I feel like all the work I put into strength training is paying off. No, I don’t have a super sculpted body (nor is that the goal). But I did take four days off from exercising, and I did eat a lot of things I don’t normally eat, and my returning weight wasn’t any higher than it was when we left for the trip. This tells me that I’m building a lot of muscle because muscle is metabolically active and works even when you’re not. Strength train, people - so many benefits!

• Kaiden and I started writing daily notes to each other in a ‘journal,’ and y’all, his notes are so sweet! Today, he thanked me for my love and strength and for planning fun trips. We may butt heads every now and then, but that loving bond is forever there.

Shakti Debits

• While the trip was energizing in so many ways, I do feel tired overall. We went to bed after midnight every night and woke up fairly early (because…kids!). Unfortunately, I feel like I’m going to be playing catch-up for a while.

Par’s Pick

• A friend told me about Ithaca hummus, and I don’t think I can go back to any other brand. It’s so so creamy and fresh tasting. She shared that it goes on sale at Publix every now and then (BOGO!), so if you have that grocery store near you, definitely keep an eye out. Your taste buds will thank me!